|Diarrhea of the Brain
Talk nerdy to me
27.11.05 I was reading through old entries here and I noticed an interesting pattern: they mostly consist of me doing things other than complaining about how much work I have, which is what I've done almost exclusively on LiveJournal for the last few months. Now memories are slowly coming back to me, of a time when I didn't just bitch about how swamped I felt (and wasn't really). It's a very strange feeling, to know that I haven't always been one of those kids who just categorically hated school. I still don't categorically hate school, but I do find it almost completely useless. Maybe one of these days I'll get back to those old blogging days, with less complaining and more real thought and Richard Bach.
I think I'm a little more [adjective - I have no idea what's exactly appropriate] here in part because, unlike LiveJournal, I don't know if I have an audience; I don't anticipate comments. I always write to be read, if only by a future self, but here at least there's less of an element of instantaneous feedback, less of a desire to win momentary adulation or sympathy or whatever it is I try to get in comments. I'm still writing to 'impress,' to the extent that I'm even capable of doing that, but now I can take a few more chances, care a little bit less. posted by Eva | 11:05 AM
25.11.05 Well, so much for that. posted by Eva | 11:55 PM
21.7.05 I was reading some old posts from Stina's LJ and remembering a long-ago time, almost two years ago, when we were innocent and confused and statusless, being 'just friends' who gave a lot of hugs. Things were so cute and so ridiculously ambiguous. But it's a very good memory. I've always been one for truth (at least in principle - I have difficulty not putting up images in practice), and we've gotten that now that we're so immersed in each other's lives, but it was fun, too, when we didn't know each other and we had these intriguing images. I don't often think about that process of infatuation, perhaps because I never really thought about it at the time until it had gone quite far. It sort of crept up on us - well, me, I suppose; I can't say the same for her - and I remember being friends, eating lunch, being covalently bonded, and all of a sudden crossing 27th St one day at Capitol as if I was floating on air and thinking, 'I have a girlfriend!' As it turned out it wasn't true, but it would be in maybe the next week. There was drama after that. Now I am much less shocked (although I have never fully comprehended why she continues to put up with me) and much more familiar. posted by Eva | 12:12 AM
2.7.05 Hey, I found this supercool blog.
Ann is brilliant
Okay, that's not what it's called. I don't think she thinks she's brilliant. Even though she is. posted by Eva | 10:12 PM
1.6.05 I have discovered that I like it when people whom I think are cool post in their blogs.
So I will post in my blog. (Apparently one or two people think I'm cool.)
Graduation was last night. Congratulations.
I strongly dislike forensics, or at least one element thereof. You all know this though.
I have a stuffy nose and a sore throat and all those symptoms which one is not supposed to have on the first of June, even in Milwaukee. I think it's from shaking hands at Congress last weekend. Ick, germs.
In a week and a half I leave for Philadelphia. I need a Hawaiian shirt. And possibly a swimsuit.
In three days I head down to Chicago. I need to read more. posted by Eva | 5:47 PM
22.5.05 Microsoft Excel can kiss my ass.
ARG. posted by Eva | 10:03 AM
14.5.05 I watched two fantastic movies yesterday: Crash at the Downer and, after a while of trying to get the TV to Channel 3 (don't kill your remote, it's useful), most of Hotel Rwanda at home.
After Hotel Rwanda I was planning to go to bed and have a good cry, because that was really all that seemed appropriate, but instead I fumed to AB, my rabbit.
I wanted to know, and I still want to know, why humans have an amazing capability to see the most powerful movie, to follow stories of human cruelty and mass suffering and wanton slaughter, and leave the theatre or the living room saying:
"Gee, that was a good movie."
Then they go on and eat their dinner.
Is it because we recognize that movies are fiction and should have no bearing on our own lives? Or are we just blindly insensitive?
Have we lost our sense of connection, of mutuality, of love? This is love in the sense that Christina and I talk about sometimes, not in the traditional kissy sense - love is to recognize that you have something fundamentally in common with each and every sentient being in the world. Love obligates us to feel some bond with other people, and consequently it obligates us to get off our asses and do something in the face of massive human suffering. And somehow we've lost it.
Instead we just think that the movie was good and get on with our own tiny lives. posted by Eva | 1:18 PM
13.5.05 I just read my first eleven posts, and I know there were eleven because they were numbered Reflection Number One through Reflection Number Eleven. I know there is a story started sometime in July or August, in the vicinity of Reflections Fourteen through Eighteen, but that's just a guess. Since reading these old posts, I have come to the conclusions that (a) I am a funny kid sometimes and (b) I am full of shit. I mean... 'Adieu, mes amis'? What the hell?! Now I know better, since 'adieu' really means something along the lines of 'goodbye forever, we're breaking up/I'm dying/you're dying/you are a helium balloon that I just released to fly into the sky, intentionally or inadvertently'. So I have changed in that I rarely say 'adieu.' But I am still full of shit, and sometimes even enjoying it. posted by Eva | 11:22 AM
5.5.05 Ultimately, true love is an act of freedom. And that's what makes it so hard, so scary, and so wonderfully fun. posted by Eva | 10:31 PM
30.4.05 eva: an inventory
-I just typed 'evan'.
-I just found a blurry picture of myself: http://www.mudebateinstitute.com/programs.html. I'm at the podium. Mostly. I recognised Wichman first. Wichman's such a bitch. But a talented bitch.
-I am happy for the moment, and maybe for tomorrow too.
-Go see Kung Fu Hustle, it's good for the wanton violence stuff. Testosterone is a must.
-LOOOOOOOVE. posted by Eva | 10:30 PM